Date:	2006-08-03 15:59
Subject:	Roma mixed with Sadness
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

Rome was amazing! I got into Rome at about 9:05pm on Sunday evening and caught the Leonardo Da Vinci Express from Fuimincino to Roma Termini for 9.50 Euro. I got downtown and started walking out of the trainstation and followed the directions from hostelworld.com. Apparently the "left turn" out of the train station was to the "right" of where I exited from the train station. I walked around for about 15 minutes before turning around, but not before I saw some "Hezbollah" graffitti. Stupid me, I had my information for the hostel and such in an United States Embassy folder... so I turned that out so no one coud see it.
I finally found Alessandro's around 10:15pm. I walked in and asked if Malinda had checked in yet which was a negative. They apparently got lost too from the bus stop that they got from Ciampino. They got in around 12:05pm and we moved into the room. We didn't get into bed until about 2am with plans on getting up at 7:30am. It happened, shockingly enough! I'm telling you, traveling/touring is not a vacation! It takes work and a lot of it, but it's still fun work!
Anyway, we got up showered, ate the free breakfast (hard rolls, crappy cereal, and warm "long-life" milk). They did have "energy juice" and I did not discover that the cappucino machine was free from 7am till 10am until the second day, but it was all good! We left from Alessandro's and caught the Metro out to the Vatican! It was amazing! We went into the museums and I saw a couple of Da Vinci's and a couple of Caravaggio's! We went through the Sistine Chapel where they kept saying "be quiet" and "no photos" when it was evident they couldn't stop the masses from taking pictures or video. Then we ate some pizza and head to St. Peter's where we climbed to the top of the dome up some awkward steps. It was hot! Did I say that yet? It was 104 on Sunday when we first arrived and now it is Monday and not much cooler at all. We had waited in line for an hour to get into the Vatican Museums. St. Peter's was amazing. Mae and I walked all the way up which turned out to be just as easy as taking the elevator and 3 euros cheaper! We got down into the church itself which was beautiful and magnificent! I got my picture/video of Michelangelo's Pieta! and we headed out to the fountains and waited about 30 minutes for the others to catch up. We had filled up our water bottles (which we did as frequently as we could). We typically would kill whatever we had left in our bottles and then fill it up anew and then kill that and then fill it up and cap it off for later.
While in the Vatican Museums an American family stopped us and asked if we knew what time the concert was that night... we didn't know about any concert. Come to find out, there was a free concert in front of the Colosseum (Flavian AmphiTheatre) that night. Thank God we stumbled across that. We head out to the Colosseum about 6pm or so, got some dinner. I had the lasagna and a Sprite (which tastes so wonderful! I had those as my treat next to sampling some of Mae's gellato) = 8 Euros... we went and grabbed a seat for the concert about 7:30pm and it started around 9pm! I haven't mentioned who it was yet... Billy Joel and Bryan Adams! Haha! It was awesome! I had a great time, but about 10:45pm I was tired of standing for 2 hours and Billy just kept rocking and had not yet played "Piano Man"! I don't know what time it finally ended, but I had promised myself that I was leaving after "Piano Man"... it was the last song of the concert! Go figure! I got in some grumpy bouts because my back was hurting me and my feet ached, but all-in-all it was a grand time.
Then we started heading back... the wrong way. I was grumpy and grouchy and according to Malinda being an "ass", but honestly her friends weren't making friends with me, and I didn't want to be that grouchy guy who pulls the friend away from the group for him to pout. We did find some Watermelon for 1 Euro at like 1am! Malinda, Matt, and I all got one. We'd run out of water and I hadn't had any since dinner 6 or 7 hours prior which added to my bad mood, but the watermelon was amazing. We finally got back to the hostel. I quickly showered and passed out. Apparently Mae had come by the bed (we were in a 6 bed "mixed" room w/5 of us and one stranger) and poked at me to see if I was awake... I was dead to the world and thankful for it!
Tuesday morning we all kinda mossied on outta bed whenever and showered and ate breakfast. We headed to the Forum/Palatine Hill. Moods had not changed from the night before unfortunately. I was chipper, but Malinda kept asking me to stop talking and to stop making my random comments or jokes. I guess I was coming off as annoying to the rest of the group or something, and unfortunately that kinda bummed me out 1. because the rest of the group didn't seem to enjoy hanging out with me ro talk with me at length 2. because my best friend now wanted me to stop making my jokes and silly conversation. I speak what's on my mind. I expect people to respond to it sometimes, or just laugh at the silliness that it is. I've never been told I was annoying (Anybody out there think that secrety? I'd like to know ;)!)
Anyway, we made it to the Forum/Palatine Hill and hiked around there. It was awesome! Just tons of ruins of Caesar's old palace an escavated fountains and tunnels. It was really sweet! I've got pictures! Then from there we'd also purchased our ticket to teh Colosseum and that zoomed us all the way up to the front of the line.. no waiting for tickets! It was pretty amazing! Colosseum was colosul (go figure!) It was really quite a spectacle. Did you know that "arena" means "sand" in Latin. I'm sure I learned that somewhere in my studies, but I didn't remember it at the time. They also used to fill the "Flavian Ampitheatre" (not Colossem as we all know it. It wasn't called that until the Middle Ages) with water and they would put on actual naval battle scenes with captured soldiers and others acting out...to the death! (It's the Colosseum, what'd you expect?). While waiting on the girls as they went to the bathroom, Matt and I just talked about Law School and some decisions that I have cominng up. He's going to Regent Law this Fall. It was good to talk to him. He seems like someone I should get along with, but for some reason we weren't blending well.
After the Colosseum was headed to the Trevie Fountain and walked around there for a while, got some dinner at which I ate a calzone and we had some white wine. It was delicious and everyone got along so splendidly! It was really refreshing. We threw the coins over our left shoulder with them in our right hand for a speedy return to Rome! After the Trevi fountain which we hung around until it was lit up, we walked back to the hostel and showered. The group journaled for a bit, but finally complained that Malinda was still up journaling. I was helping her remember what exactly we saw so we took our conversation outside and finished up there and crashed. They were showing The Gladiator in the Common Room of the hostel (how appropriate!).
Got up late and got ready. The juice machine was broken and that kind bummed me out because I was enjoying my "energy juice". I was the only one at breakfast for a while and then Matt came up and ate some too. We finally headed out about 10 or 11am and went to the Spanish steps and in the church behind them. It was a beautiful church and I prayed there for a bit. It was good to just concentrate on that for a while, especially in a church. I haven't been to one all Summer here. The book Peace Like a River has been an encouragement too because of its strong faith-related language!
After the church, I bought an Roma Italia hat. So now I have a Paris, France hat and my Italy hat. We went to Piazza de Popolo after that. Unfotunately the spectacle there, an obilisc captured from Ramses II was being renovated! Boo! But it was still cool. We went looking for lunch and found a German/Italian restaurant and got pizza! The guy mistakenly brought me out a beer and I just returned it and got my Sprite ;)!
As we headed to Piazza De Popolo, a place where public executions used to take place, Matt had a run in with a horse which kept us laughing for a good while. Then at lunch, Matt told us this elaborate dream he had about the end of the world and an evil Mario (not Wario), but Mario who was being worshipped, and etc. etc.
After all this we walked around shops for a bit and kinda goofed off until I had to catch my bus. As we were going about to get to my bus everyone resorted back to their weird stand-offish moods of irritation... I don't know what happened. Maybe they were upset that they had to walk me to the bus instead of continue touring, but whatever. Malinda couldn't trust them to meet her somewhere... well she could trust Matt. Anyway, I caught a bus and said my goodbyes to Mae, but didn't to the others because I caught the bus just as it was ready to leave. I waved at everyone though.

Alright, that's Rome, or most of it. The sadness is that I got home and read an e-mail from my folks telling me that my dog, Salty, had died Tuesday night in his sleep. I'm praying "All Dogs Go to Heaven". I didn't get to see him and I'll be home Saturday night.. :-( I knew he wasn't going to live much longer, but I wish he could've stayed with us until I got home from this internship to say goodbye! I've had him since he was just a pup... 13 years... I'm 21 that's over half my life! I loved that dog. I didn't always love him enough though. Longest friend I've ever had. Alright, well, God bless you and your furry animals and friends, tribute to Salty, my good old best friend, we grew up together.

Date:	2006-07-30 00:15
Subject:	Wine Shack
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated
Music:	Answering Machine: Matt Nathanson

Well today was rather uneventful. I literally spent most of the day in bed. I watched The Siege which is a really good movie... tragic, but good. I think it still highlights the threats from terrorism today, while also exaggerating the possibilities that could occur in this country and may have occurred abroad already. It tetters on the hype of Radical Islam, but does a good job of scaling people's reactions and possible antipathy towards first the Muslim community and then the recourse of the actions of the military.

Anyway, I ate some left over ohr' derves (sp?) and watched some FRIENDS episodes. Then I took a long bath because the hosts I'm staying with were gone for the day in Paris. I ate some chips with salsa and cheese as well. I finally left the apartment @ 6:20pm and took a train into Geneva and met with Andrea to go to Liz/Paula's apartment for dinner. Paula had heated up the left over ohr'derves she'd swiped and made some rice with them. We listened to Simon and Garfunkel and talked... we put on some Matt Nathanson, but Paula reverted back to Simon and Garfunkel... oh well, the evening continued.

Paula, Ari, Andrea, and I headed out to go down to the Wine Shack and we just hung out there from 9-11pm. Ari bet Paula $100 she wouldn't jump off the bridge into the river... she didn't, but it's still worth noting that he thought he could bet Paula that, but not Andrea knowing that she would do it! Paula tried arguing the Israeli-Lebanese-Palestinian situation with Ari who's a Jew. I agreed with Ari and Paula was using horribly flawed arguments pleading the case for the Palestinians and saying that we can't go back to Biblical times for claims to the land... We're not going back to Biblical times. We're citing the emigration of Jews from Europe into Palestine legitimately buying land as early as 1917. She cited that we just gave them their own country because of the Holocaust... The Israelis/Jews were the only formal government in Palestine... the U.N. recognized them and it was not a British initiative that instated it (Balfour Declaration is cited incorrectly by people... Churchill himself said that Britian did not support the interpretation of the Balfour Declaration as a declaration of the right of a Jewish State in Palestine). The reason the U.N. recognized Israel and not Palestine... because they had actually formed a legitimate government there by 1948 and the Arabs had not. The Paletinians were nomads of the region kicked out of Jordan, Syria, and other Arab nations and did not organize in a civil society.

Those're the facts. I don't know history from the Palestinians side beyond this, so this may be biased info. Regardless these things are true and I do not like people "bleeding-heart" whatever misconstruing facts. I'm not saying it is right for the Israelis to conduct unrestricted warfare in the region. They need to be limited to specific targets and the destruction of the infrastructure in Southern Lebanon is an attack on civilization of a democracy in the Middle East. Although they have been puppeteered to some degree by Syria and had problems of their own. The killing of civilians should be condemned on both sides. Armed combatants are armed... defending or offending

I really appreciate John Stewart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGr7kFVeKzw&search=war%20in%20Lebanon

I think this is appropriate following my previous post. More will come of my opinion.

Snakes on a Plane... thats the title of the new movie that Samuel L. Jasckson is in... WHAT?! I read a review in the Post: "What do you mean, what's what? There are (expletive deleted) snakes on the plane! Need we say more?"

Sorry, I thought I'd share that with the world... well those in the world that will actually read this post which is slowly going down hill because I'm growing tired after a long week and a desperate need for sleep, but I thought I would still attempt something coherent since I've not recorded my thoughts for over a week in the journal I'm keeping for my internship while I'm here and I've not updated this since probably February!

I have to share that I'm currently reading a rather interesting book called "Peace Like a River". It's really well written, much like I would write, if I ever wrote a book. First person, like writing a journal, but the language is very eloquent. I've not finished it, and it's really faith-based too. Really kinda encouraging even though it's just a book. I guess I shouldn't say that considering the Bible's a book too. Speaking of which I got into the weirdest conversation with this woman from my internship. I would call her a friend, but I typically use that word very loosely when it should be acquaintance (side note). Anyway, she's read the Bible twice and in different languages... very intimidating. I'm ashamed to say it, but I've not read the entire Bible through once. I know that makes my faith seem even more questionable because I obviously cannot fully argue it with someone who's read it and is a nonbeliever.
Well, the conversation was her argument about God being God to the Jews, Christians, and Muslims and included the cultural relativism argument. I threw out the idea that as humans we cannot say what God will do or what actually happens when we die. I do question things that Paul say and wonder if the canon is off... but then why would God not strike it down? He doesn't "strike down" the Quaran... He allows us to have free will and choose. We can ultimately only trust in Him and His word = Jesus. I turn to what Jesus said more than I do with most other references in the Bible.

Alright, so that's the faith talk for now. I had other things I wanted to discuss like Lebanon and Israel. I have various arguments on this topic that I've gotta hash out and I thought I could do that here and review them as things develop:
Israel is defending itself from an aggressor who has kidnapped two soldiers demanding the release of prisoners from Israel. Hezbollah has done this immediately after the capture of another soldier from Israel into Gaza. Escalation... Israel is surrounded by "enemies" and continually under attack. The humanitarian crisis in Gaza is not just Israeli vs. Palestinian, I read daily reports that confirm killings amongst the Palestinians themselves. Hamas is founded on "the destruction of Israel"... and was elected the government by the Palestinians. People cite Zionism as a genocide an the basis of the Israeli state. Hamas has the exact same policy. Is it in response or was it initial? Does that matter?
Hezbollah, "God's Party" has negotiated with Israel twice in the past 6 years for the release of hundreds of prisoners in exchange for one Israeli citizen. This new PM does not want to continue this policy of giving in to demands and being puppeteered by a terrorist organization and so this is retaliation retrograde? The civilians support Hezbollah... they're still not legitimate targets. There is collateral damage, but the unadultered rocket attacks against Israel for years should qualify the same condemnation. Where are the Arab nations in this? I don't want them to retaliate, but they're only condemning Israel, and I guess we have the Western nations condemning Hezbollah.
It's messed up, nobody's right here and we can't seem to figure that out. I can't, at this point, determine if anyone is even more right than the other.

Alright, I'm done for now. I've got more to talk about but I'm tired and ranted enough about everything.

The Economist reports:

Saying thanks to the Yanks
A small group of philosophers, academics, journalists and other sympathisers has undertaken the defence of what has become, among Parisian intelligentsia, nearly indefensible: America. Florence Taubman, the pastor of the L’Oratoire Protestant church, and Michel, her journalist husband, began gathering like-minded friends on the eve of the Iraq war in March 2003, when they felt that popular opposition to the conflict had smothered debate.

The “Cercle de l’Oratoire” has grown to encompass philosophers such as André Glucksmann and Pierre-André Taguieff and guests such as Bernard Kouchner, the founder of Médecins Sans Frontières, and Nicolas Baverez, a historian. Participants are mostly from various left-leaning camps, and generally share a belief in a strong American international presence and a dread of radical Islam. The group recently published its first collection, Le Meilleur des mondes (“The Best of All Worlds”), with articles critiquing American neo-conservatives, the French anti-Israeli camp and suburban rioters.

So they don't all hate us! :-P I'm in Geneva and I'm posting about News... well that's what my life centers around at the moment. If you hear news about the "new Human Rights Council".. yeah I'm in that! Haha! It's cool and exciting. I'll see if I can keep up with posting on here!
Ciao

There is no place I'd rather be
Than having you here with me
The things I see and the things you know
Help each other continue to grow
We've been down this road before
You and me together helps us learn more
The music plays and we both sing
This soundtrack of our life

"It does what it does because it is what it is!"

It touches me when I hear the words and the music play
It all invokes emotion and response
This is a mature kind of imagination
It's spirituality
To understand this there's got to be communication
Someone to talk
There are others that'll reinforce Spirituality
But ultimately we must turn to Him
The mightier who withstands all questioning
And endures all
His zeal and gusto never give out as we do!

The first and last thing are things I wrote while listening to the opening worship music before the service began this morning at the Church of the Holy Spirit. The middle quote was from the speaker who had an amazing accent and at once made me think of Dumbledore and also Voldemort! Wicked, aye?

The funniest quote I heard today:
"You'll never hear a guy say during sex 'Shhhh!!'"
This was from our Sunday School this morning. It was an interesting talk. The church needs to approach sex in a positive way as long as it is held within a marriage and with fidelity.

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

So, I've been abroad once... I was in Germany (layover) and Russia for 2 weeks. I'm going abroad this summer: Gatwick, England (layover) and Geneva, Switzerland from May 21st-August 5th. BUT I've never been to very far West.

"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vick to vanish. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

My friend Emil found the quote from the film. We saw it Sunday evening! It was a very interesting movie that did not have a lot of action, but more philosophical rhetoric. Very intriguing and a thinker. It's done by the Wachowski Brothers who did the Matrix. I enjoyed the film, but I feel like it might've ended too quickly or that I didn't get enough background... Otherwise rent it if you like psychological phylosophocal movies because it concentrates on the individual mind and then the population.

Take the quiz:
Which F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Cast Member are you? (pics!)

Chandler
You make every one laugh!!! You are so funny and can always think of something great to say! Make sure you don't hurt someone with your jokes, but keep being your funny self!!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Date:	2006-02-16 10:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Need For Speed: Most Wanted

AJ: Just [do] something outside of school
Jes: yeah, it'd be nice
Jes: but if i don't work i can't do anything inside of school
AJ: Right
AJ: I know
AJ: I'm not blaming you
AJ: OR anyone else
AJ: It's just a fact of life
AJ: I just hate that we're still young and I feel like we're missing things
Jes: so why dont' you enjoy what we don't miss?
Jes: whos to say you're not missing stuff while your pining over time we don't have
AJ: oh
AJ: Haha
AJ: That's good
AJ: I think that's what I've lost
AJ: Well, lost sight of
Jes: well, quit it

I promise to quit it. I've been searching for something deeper. I feel like my world became shallow and I don't know why. I've scraped around looking for the answer inside of other people. That's hurt more than it's helped. I've gotta fix it inside me. For those that have been affected by any of this, I'm sorry. "I focused on the speck in your eye and I missed the log in mine"

I guess I've been fighting against complacency. I have to find happiness at where I am at.

Rejection. That's what I'm afraid of. Failure comes to mind to. That's part of the desire for taking risks. I know my fear and I want to get over it. Not rashly, of course. I have to say I've led a blessed life and I do not take that for granted. I try not too, at least. I understand I take some things (everyone does, it's a glitch in us).
I was secure for 4 years. I didn't have to worry about being rejected or accepted. I always had my friends. Now I'm finding I'm getting to caught up and worried. I'm being pulled down to a level that I've never been at before. A place where I'm scared that people ignore me because I annoy them. This insecurity never existed before. I don't want it to exist now. It's being fed by my own stupidity. Hence, why I'm writing it out here. More or less as a reminder, "YOU'RE BEING STUPID!"
The reason I feel I have to take risks now is because I'm trying to secure my foothold again. Somehow I've slipped into this dark thought and I've lost something. I need to take risks to build my confidence, as weird as that sounds. I want to learn to fail and be rejected and get that confidence back that says, "I don't care. I am who I am and people respect me for that."
I should be reading, but I had to get this off my chest. I don't like going to bed worried or upset, but there's no one to talk to about this right now... I wanted to send this out to the "void. And so goodnight dear void."

Date:	2006-02-09 11:41
Subject:	Life Less Ordinary & Risks
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Kelly Clarkson: Hazel Eyes

StarTiger2003: This is sad, I'm filling out RA recommendations and listening to Kelly Clarkson...
PicSqueak: hahahaha
StarTiger2003: There are times I just step back and look at myself, you know, "what am I doing?"
PicSqueak: hehe
StarTiger2003: Oh well
PicSqueak: i do that all the time
StarTiger2003: I'm different, no doubt about that
PicSqueak: true
PicSqueak: but that's what is loved about you... at least by me
StarTiger2003: Hehe
StarTiger2003: Aw, thanks KB
StarTiger2003: I just wish I wasn't so fickle
StarTiger2003: Or that life didn't appear to be so..
PicSqueak: huh?
StarTiger2003: I wanna take risks, but I don't
StarTiger2003: I love my classes
PicSqueak: oh amen to that
StarTiger2003: And more and more I'm feeling this call, "Do it!"
StarTiger2003: Take a risk
StarTiger2003: Put yourself out there
PicSqueak: yeah
StarTiger2003: I'm trying different things, but they're not risks
StarTiger2003: They're safe steps
StarTiger2003: Where's the line between taking risks and being stupidly rash?
PicSqueak: but they're outside your bubble, so in a sense they can be risks cuz you're tryin something new... and you don't know what it'll be like, exactly... just cuz they aren't "dangerous" doesn't mean they aren't risks...
PicSqueak: it's a fine line, my friend, that is hard to define
StarTiger2003: Hmmm

Date:	2006-01-29 01:47
Subject:	Party Animal!?
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Guitar Hero

I am not. So today was Bids Day for fraternities on campus. I got a bid from Pi Kappa Phi who recruit gentlemen of C.L.A.S.S. I like most everyone in the group. They're real friends and not forced friends that pay money to delve into drama.
So, tonight was fun. I accepted my bid to Pi Kappa Phi and then had to run from the Front Quad to the Back Quad through 2 lines of sorority girls (you honestly didn't see them). I'm not in this for girls. I'm in this to hang out with the guys that're involved, brotherhood. I'm not paying to have that type of relationship, but rather oppurtunities to be and meet together. Anyway, we went back to the Pi Kapp "House" and just hung out for a bit until dinner @ 5PM. We all went down to the Cavern to eat with all the other Fraternities and their new pledges. Each fraternity introduced their new pledges for everyone. After that I went back to my room till the basketball game against Washington and Lee University. When I showed up with Nida we were down 10 - 7... W&L got up to 17 before the half, but Roanoke was killing them. Needless to say I got into the game! Three of their guys shot airballs and everytime they got passed the ball the crowd just chanted "airball, airball". Those gentlemen rarely ever shot the rest of the game. We won like 60-46 or some greater margin.

I left the game and went to Colket to watch Star Wars Episode 1: Phantom Menace. I watched it till about 10:25 and then I headed back down to the Pi Kapp house for a "highlighter party." That was fun! I did not drink, I cannot dance, but I did have fun and had more guys than not tell me "I Love You!" It was good. There were some sketchy girls there at times that wanted to grind and I wasn't "down with that." Nida and I watched mostly and just had fun. I did break my New Year's Resolution. I drank less than 8 oz. of soda, but I did drink Dr. Pepper and my New Year's Resolution was not to drink carbonated drinks. Oh well, I'm feasting on my V8 Splash.

I've got church later this morning. Alex and Jared are playing Guitar Hero still, but it's good because they're not so much playing as they are talking :-D

Goodnight. I do have one final thing to say. As much fun as tonight was, I missed those friends that have been closest to me up to this day. I will never neglect those friendships. It is my responsibility to ensure that happens, and with that I accept the consequences of my friends smacking me back into place!

Date:	2006-01-23 12:18
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated
Music:	Gladiator

I am frustrated. I hate that I use this a brewding spot, but often I get my thoughts out in writing them and then also talking about them. My roommate Alex has experienced that enough. I kept him up last night until 1AM when he was in bed by 12AM and content.
In any case, I am upset. I do not understand people. They put up guards... you know you've heard the term "guarded" and usually there's a story behind it. You've gotta break down those metaphorical walls that your friends have established to protect themselves, to find what made them who they are or what drives them today.
I'm very open, I've been very blessed in my life with little hardships and only a few mistakes that haunt me. I understand others have experienced worse or had worse done unto them through no fault of their own. It's exhaustive to build a true relationship with someone (friends) when they won't talk about themselves. I cannot possibly trust them wholly unless they trust me. I understand that goes both ways, but I inquire into people's past with the intention of responding to them with the same truthfulness.
A friend recently said that they may never tell the person they marry everything that's happened to them, "they need not know". We're human, why can another human not know something, especially someone you're bound till death do you part. It's frustrating. I understand the respect I must pay to that person and I should give them time, but there are others. They'd rather try and forget, but that's not helpful. The pain may subside, but until you've resolved it... The Lion King puts it best "The past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it!" Take that to heart. I have patience, but to not be honest about one's life... true to others as you are to yourself and to God... it just seems like I'm being robbed of experiencing life with them and truly understanding this world and the reactions of others...
How can it be I cannot see through your walls,
What's hidden there that haunts you,
You say you are resolved,
But you lie in hiding like a wounded dog,
I cannot believe in that resolution
though you may not believe my opinion matters
to which it does not,
But just ask yourself why?

Date:	2005-12-08 00:32
Subject:	Exams approaching
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

It's been too long since I've posted in here. I've done a ton of things since I last posted that I can't really get into. I played intermural volleyball with the guys from Reslife. I've been elected the Student Government President here at Roanoke College. My relationships on campus have never been stronger and I am finally allowing God to take a better hold on my life which means giving more to Him and His will.
I'm still taking my economics courses, but have considered time and time again to drop this second major because it's hurting my GPA and Law Schools apparently care alot about that. A 3.0 right now won't cut it. We'll see what's in store for me.
Right now I am coming up on finals week and I'm having to concentrate on that. We did a National Security Council simulation in my Making of U.S. Foreing Policy class. I was the White House Chief of Staff and loved it. The crisis situation revolved around Central Asia (or so it was supposed to be):
A plane out of Paris going to Kazakhstan's capital was hijacked with 177 passengers (77 of which were American citizens). The terrorists wanted the U.S. to relase their brothers from secret prisons in Eastern Europe and from Guantonamo. They claimed they had a WMD on board and landed at a NATO base in Turkey threatening to detonate the bomb if demands were not met. At first the intelligence we received claimed it was Syrian involvement along with Hamas. They detonated the explosive and we tried to react to the situation of fallout and international response. Turkey said it could take care of itself but did accept the pledges of monetary and food aid. Afterwards we learned it was Iranian clerics instructing Chechen trained terrorists. Then it was revealed the Iranians had nothing to do with it! It was crazy!
That level of stress was immense and the suggestion made by our professor that we should've bombed the plane with Turkish fighters to save face with the international community blaming the terrorists for setting off the bomb and going to Congress with a proposal to increase funding on the War on Terror was unsettling. I still want that job though. I don't know why. What was interesting was that the class overwhelmingly had a backlash to the unilateralism of the Bush Administration (including myself) and moved to operate very multi-laterally in the issue. What was interesting was it seemed the simulation was geared to foster more of a unilateral attitude.
Well that's that. I want a job with a high stress level and immense responsibility... I don't know why. It's not for power or respect or self glory. My heart is just there. Malinda gave me a refreshing statistic, 60% (or so) government jobs will be up for retirement between now and 2010!
Other than that, I've hung up lights with Carolynn in the room listening to Christmas music! Watched most of an entire season of the Real World with David, Jes and Carolynn. Found out Joe Dochas seen almost every season! We're starting to watch The Gauntlet. It's a great excuse to hang out together and just make fun of the people on T.V.
Well, it's bed time. Jared's playing N64 Perfect Dark, Alex and Sarah are talking, and I'm on the computer. Life is GOOD. Nighty night

Date:	2005-10-30 03:39
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Young Jeezy: Sole Survivor

What a day of nothing and everything!
Alex and I got up at about 10:30 this morning and goofed around in the room until we decided it was high time to head off to Brunch in the Commons @ noon. After which we went to Wal-Mart running into Beryl, Mel, Matt Rose, Sean, and others. We were there on a mission with Brandon and Jared for grilled cheese supplies. We bought a griddle! We came back and concentrated our friends in the Sections lounger setting up the PS2 and cooking grilled cheese @ 3PM. We watched an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 which was hilarious. At this point it was Kimberly, Carolynn, Alex, myself and Brandon. We did that until dinner @ 6:45. We left dinner and headed back to the lounge @ 7:45. Wray had joined us by this point.
It was just a lazy day and this daylight saving's time is deceiving because my clock says it's a quarter of 4AM, but I know it's actually a quarter of 5AM "real time"!

Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your smell, your touch, your whisper;
The things that I take notice,
The things that I recall.
Not whether or not you wear a dress or sweats,
Have put on make-up or have just woke-up.
If I cared for the first and looked down on the latter
I wouldn't be very accepting of who you are.
My love runs deeper than that.
Its currents are not affected by such subtleties.
Its tide will not be haulted by these shallows.
You are you and I fear nothing but that I would not be received and given the same courtesy
(I'm not a writing this about someone, but a general knowledge and feelings)

My fear, I've realized, is losing a friend or being replaced. Then that friendship was everything I was afraid of, it was so shallow that the slightest variation in my attitude, opinion, or habits dried up the waters and parched the foundation. Regardless it was something that had been worked on for some time and great personal expense... why worry about that though. I'm confident in my friendships with others. I just worry I'm not properly guarded. I've been hurt, but that has not hindered my out pouring. I also expect the same from those I confide in. That's where my insecurity lies. When I confide in others and open up and they simply reply and don't offer the same keys to their heart, then I become wary.

Writing really puts things out there for me. Well so does Scrabble! Kimberly and I among others (Carolynn and Alex) communicated through Scrabble tiles for an hour or more. It was face to face IMing! Meaning it was comfortable and not detached because we could see each other's reactions and not hide behind smilies.

Goodnight

Date:	2005-10-27 22:49
Subject:	Personal Growth
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	The Postal Service: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

I honestly pulled myself out of Large Group a bit because I felt that there were so many people there that "know" you, but nobody has the time to invest themselves in each individual, and it unfortunately starts to come off superficial because we come together for Large Group, but outside of it we talk to one another, but I don't feel like we're real with each other

It's encouraging to have that community base, but I haven't been to IV Large Group for quite a while... I'm a Small Group leader and I haven't even been asked where I've been or what's up

Unfortunately I found a crack in the foundation and it hurt... not from any one person, but that this happens and I realized and saw people who I didn't do that with and now I've lost touch with them on such a small campus

I don't know, maybe I'm fabricating this in my head and just hurting myself, but I can see how it's happened to others that've been involved in IV and how I even just talked to people in IV about that person, but never approached that person about being in IV

It's more of a self-convicting thing and then it's expanded to a larger scale

No, it's no one persons fault. I chose to be weak and discovered my strength in the community faltered.

This all came out in a conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine. It may seem broken and it may hurt some people who did make the effort to talk to me. I'm sorry to those individuals because I ignored your caring thoughts. This is not meant to tear anyone down or a pity party for myself for I realize this became very selfish and that I should just focus on God. It proves He's the reason for everything and we cannot depend on men.

That's it. I start my life in the middle. I don't get it really. I'm sitting here and I felt inspired to write a story/book. I was somehow thinking about the paper I have to write for my Modern Germany class about a book I had to read and how I pronounced the main character's name and how it might actually be pronouncec and how that would ruin the book for me. If the name of the character was different, but I built up this whole book based on this name and the name is different than what I had put in my head. It's much like reading a book and then watching the movie and the character doesn't look like how you pictured him or her.
I started thinking about the pronounciation of names like Aragorn and how if I had mispronounced his name and then had the name realized that to be pronounced like Oraygern or something crazy. Thankfully that's not the case. Anyway, I was thinking about how I would start a book and thinking about the characters name and how I would start the book.
Every idea I had had me starting in the middle fo something like:

"The sunrised early in the morning and Sandy woke up. The whole world had been crashing around her..."

That's in the middle of the story or thought. Rushing the reader into the story and throwing a plot at them... Just appreciate the build up and such. I feel like I'm like that sometimes in life. I don't let it compound and build, I just like to rush into the big events. I don't know, maybe I'm not, but that's just my thoughts right now based on my introduction to a book.

Date:	2005-10-26 00:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished
Music:	Disturbed: Deify

Hurt is natural and painful. It's human! Humanity cannot remove itself from human emotion, feelings, trial...

Humanity's course will lead to it's dehumanization of each other through technology, and thus the destruction of the world...

Technology removes emotion... text through AIM allows for forgeries of feelings... confusion consumes our generation because it cannot identify itself because it does not confront others with true feelings, bravery/courage is now left to the push of a button to destroy a town or somebody's feelings...

Stick out your neck for somebody... have the courage to confront...

Honesty is the best policy and the courage it takes to speak to someone face to face and confront reality...

Our generation is divorced from reality through technology and through social sects that delve into drinking, drugs, sex, movies, and even classical escapes have become benging events!

We are divorced from reality. If Germany was anti-modernist, then we are certainly anti-reality!

About 3 or 4 hours of complex discussion about our generation, political culture, and our personal lives of myself, Alex, and Wray

The hard think to do is to forgive someone... Osama Bin Laden killed thousands of Americans, but it is the hardest thing to forgive him and show him compassion. It would be easy to kill him... to hate him... ~Alex

Date:	2005-10-12 18:35
Subject:	Fear of the Right
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Disturbed: Deify

My Modern Germany class is amazing. My professor is in fact supportive of the current Administration in some aspects. He appreciates the Wilsonian rhetoric Bush II used in going to war with Iraq. But how can you take a Modern Germany class studying the political culture leading to Hitler and the autrocities thereafter and not reflect on current situations in other countries monitoring political developments and it doesn't help to listen to some people's outright disregard and ill informed opinions about political developments. Haha, yes, I have been reading Al Franken's Lies(and the Lying Liars who tell them) and listening to Disturbed's new cd which has a political tone against the Bush Administration. Neither of these have swayed me to this conclusion... The devoted blindness to one ideology and promotion of such against another divides each from truth. The understanding of both leads to the eventual development of truth and understanding. Do not approach a situation with the idea of winning, you will lose no matter the actual outcome. Because you have propped your arguments that are self-perpetuating and not creating discourse to enable real knowledge to develop.

That is my rant! Whoo, I hope it's somewhat intelligent. Midterms are over and I have yet to fail anything, Thank God. I'm looking forward to Fall Break, seeing Malinda, and being with David, Cindy, and who else at the Bay that Cindy had graciously opened up to me and friends to enjoy for the week! :-) Later Days